Hello there 👋,
Why that's your most basic of gaslighting tactics.
Imagine, just for a moment that what your doing is attempting to teach a toddler that they've done something wrong. What does the toddler do? Often they'll act just like a narcissist as they stumble to learn cognitive dissonance, as their brain develops emotional intelligence and a moral compass but, up to a point of development, a toddler is often completely and laughably full of shit as they learn these newfound cognitive skills and empathy development.
And so the narcissist never actually got past that point. They never did develop a positive sense of self, they never learned to self soothe in those moments of angst and they therefore never learned to take responsibility. Its as ingrained as a large ancient oaks roots and so when presented with factual and observable facts that they're doing things wrong the brain they have does a wobble and in that moment they then have the emotional intelligence of whence they're known or unknown, conscious or unconscious trauma occurred - often as a toddler when those much needed lessons in self identity, soothing, a moral compass and empathy was drastically missing from their childhood.
It's still incredibly painful to observe and be drawn into as all it does to us is often draw out our reasoning and logic first, followed by the same but with emotions attached, followed by just our emotions as they dig in and further gaslight and followed by them then doing the old switcharoo to this thing now only being about your emotions… they often work hard for that pass don't they and so will milk the rewards as you lay broken and lost by their hand only to be then weirdly soothed by them.
The mind boggles but truly and basically it's only their reality in play. It's what they know how to do do and so they do. In all truth, I don't actually think they have a choice but to be who they are. Sure, they can learn cerebral empathy for basic functionality in life which is why they present as such bundles of wow in the first instance of meeting them but that ‘learned’ caring can only last so long as it's a mirror of you and they can't keep it up, especially when things get real or they mess up once to often with their diabolical plans driven by a child like brain.
And so you arrive at name calling and denial of it. Much like the toddler who is now an adult in arrested development.
What to do..
Record it. Call them on it. Leave.
Take your sanity, your love and your empathy and know your truth and the truth of they and make (BECAUSE YOU DAMN WELL CAN) a better choice for your life, your mental health and your well-being. They're stuck where they are and you cannot help them, it's not your role to, it was their parents who sent them sideways, only they can decide to change or at the very least adapt and grow better cerebral empathy.
So, please tell your friend to literally make better choices as right now they're choosing to try to love or be with an adult who will call them names and then not have the balls to explain why they did it. Or, is calling names because that's how they only know how to manage emotional debate as that's what Mum or Dad or both taught them and your not soothing them and your challenging them…. so your a dick.
Make better choices. Simples.
Good luck to you, Peace ✌️